Pizza Boys and Jersey Girls by Tomi Dean Lynch

I published this story in 2019 and it is truly one that is close to my heart. I grew up in New Jersey and spent most of my free time in a local pizzeria. My friends and I developed a strong bond with the men who worked there. There were always rumors that the men of the pizza places had mob connections and we used to joke about it all the time but what if it had been true?

While not a true story, Pizza Boys and Jersey Girls does bring back memories for me. 

It was a wet and rainy spring night when Bonny first saw the man of her dreams. She was just a kid and he was old enough to be her father but when he touched her hand, the pulse of electricity that ran through her was like nothing she could have ever imagined.

Danny was the manager of Pizza Mia, a local hangout for the kids of this North Jersey town. It was the mid-1980's and the attached video arcade and one-dollar slices only added to the allure for most, but Bonny only needed one thing to keep her coming back. A smile or a wink from the dreamy-eyed man behind the counter.

Years would pass before the two would actually meet outside the walls of Pizza Mia. She was, after all, too young to touch when they met but Danny had wanted nothing more than to unleash the untapped passion in this girl who worshiped him.

Some dreams don't always work out as planned and the two are separated soon after their first night together. Legal issues cause Danny to flee for the safer shores or Florence and Bonny goes on to find love with Carlo, who is more her age. Still, the journey isn't over for these star-crossed lovers whose paths will reconnect in a tangled tale of jealousy, longing, intrigue, and possibly... murder.

 

Stop playing games to win a man

 

There’s a lot of talk on the internet concerning whether or not women should chase men. Most sources tell you that chasing a man makes you look desperate and can bruise your ego if the chase doesn’t end in capturing his affection. Some sources add that chasing is biologically programmed in men and that they like hunting down and winning their prized partner and when the woman becomes the pursuer, her value drops and she is no longer worth winning to him.

Sure, there is some truth to the concept that men like to pursue women, but most men also enjoy it when a woman reaches out to let him know that she’s thinking of him. In the vastly confusing world of dating, it seems that women are being told to turn “the chase” into a well-orchestrated cat and mouse game. They’re told to count his calls and only answer after he’s called two or three times. They’re told to wait before answering texts and to never text first.  If this seems a bit manipulative and deceitful, it’s because it is.

Be authentic

The first step to building a relationship is to be clear on your feelings and expectations. The other person deserves to know how you feel about them and what you’re looking for. If you’re truthful from the start and he stops reaching out or responding, you have your answer. He isn’t looking for the same things from you, at least, for right now.

If you want to send a text or make a call, do it. You don’t have to wait for him to make the first move. If he responds great. If not, pull back. He may be busy or he may not be interested.

Think of a text conversation as if it were happening face to face. If you speak to someone and they don’t reply, you don’t just keep talking so don’t keep texting. If he answers, great. If not, consider yourself ghosted and move on.

Avoid gameplay

Life would be so much easier if there was a magic formula for meeting someone and making them fall in love with you. Sadly, there isn’t and as more women start following the advice they see on social media, more men become aware of the signs of gameplay. Just as we figured out fuck boy language, men are figuring out the ways that women manipulate.

What you want is commitment and that comes from honest connection. If you’re using subversive tactics to win a man, when do you stop and become your true self? Gameplay is exhausting because the cycle never ends. Once you have his attention, you modify the game to keep his attention. Before you know it, you’re playing games to keep him faithful because you can’t be certain what his true intentions are. You never allowed him an opportunity to show you.

Listen

If you listen with the intent to understand, you’ll have a pretty good idea of where your relationship is going. Too often we take what men say and try to interpret it like it’s a foreign language. If he tells us that he isn’t interested in a committed relationship we tell ourselves that he’s been hurt and we need to prove that we’re different and worthy of his commitment when the correct thing to do is to take his words at face value.

Express your truth

If the man you’re interested in doesn’t share your values or feelings, tell him. Let him know that you’re not on the same page. Chances are he won’t change his mind for you and that’s okay. That’s when you value yourself enough to move on.

Be empowered

There’s an amazing sense of confidence that comes from living your authentic truth. Having solid boundaries and upholding your values is an empowering stance that high-value men find very attractive. Choosing to not play games may limit the number of players on your field but the quality of those players will increase exponentially.

The best way to attract an honest, confident, strong man will always be to be an honest, confident, strong woman

 

 

Original Post: https://tomilynchromance.medium.com/stop-playing-games-to-win-a-man-1f9df726557b

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